Thursday, June 23, 2011

About change-

I hear the winds of change. Can you hear them ?
Do you remember that sound of the wind blowing, buzzzing, through cracks and poorly sealed windows?
It's not a bad wind. Just powerful.
It makes me want to stick my tongue out and taste it all.
All of life.(hey, that sounds like a good print)
My good friend Jane asked me about the box of tissues. No my sweets, there has been
no crying, it's just a  nasty, mean allergy. My love and I are tending to our garden ,and even if
there are dry patches, and weeds, and it takes lots of work as all gardens do, it's heavenly to go out there and smell when it's all blossoming.
It's just this lust for life.
I didn't tell you last month I turned fifty. That put me in the dumps. I bloody hated it.
It depressed me. Eeeyore, eeyore... I felt tired, exhausted, drained. I guess raising three teenagers for the last few years took it's toll. Saying that, these children were heavenly cherubs compared to the mean teen I was to my mom. (...so sorry mom!..)
And of course there is the eternal list of things not right.
And my artwork going in circles.
And I realised it's not about the art.
 It's about lack of confidence, lack of focus, and lack of faith.
 I had a great teacher, a really great teacher in art school, Sheilla Lamb. She told me two wise things I chose to ignore then but never forgot.
She said ' if you just keep painting as you already do, your painting will get better and better naturally-' Until now, so many years later, I have always wanted to paint like someone else.
 Haven't invested enough in me.
(I just deleted a bad word here).
She also told me I painted from 'my stomach.'
So true!!
 But I really wanted to impress the world with my brain...
 No matter that my brain is stuck to my tongue tasting the world...
So my sweets I have made you follow me around in what sometimes is my art-lust, sometimes is just a dead end, but I feel my circles have come together.
 I am fifty and absolutely ready for the rest of it all coming straight from my very own figertips,and belly, and hugging arms.
Love you lots-xx

10 comments:

demie said...

never totaly pleased.
always doubting a little.
a real artist my dear!

χρόνια πολλά : )

renilde said...

Dear Annamaria, i just love your work, the exploring, the searching and i see 'you' in all your work.
Demi is right,the doubting makes us reach further and keeps us alert, (sometimes very difficult but a good thing in the end).

Me too, i turned fifty in February, don't worry every age has ad-and disvantages and i have seen and read in your posts you kept the child in you alive.

Enjoy your garden, keep making your intriguing beautiful work and keep that playfulness alive. xx

Kylie said...

Oh Annamaria, what a wonderful post! I love it - every word :) You are so right. It's advice that I should take too. Good on you - that's real courage. Happy belated birthday too :) Kx

Julie Whitmore Pottery said...

So beautifully said,
wouldn't your teacher be pleased to know you'd carried her words with you?
Your garden sounds like a metaphor for life!
happy birthday
xx
julie

annamaria said...

Thank you- thank you- thank you, my sweet friends!!XX

Carole said...

Annamaria, demie is spot on with her comment. I had my show last weekend, took a few days off, headed into the studio to paint and I sat there with the voice that tells me "you have no talent! why bother? you're too tired and old (55) and achy!"
Your work is beautiful. I've enjoyed each piece you have put on your blog. You my dear are one gifted 50 year old! xo

Francesca said...

love this annamaria. so honest. and i know exactly what you mean. i think you're a very special soul. paint with your heart. and happy birthday! xxx

Julie Hendriks said...

Wow, I hope in 10 years I would be in that place. It's all about movement..you never sit still in live and that's the good thing :)

gretchenmist . . . {belinda} said...

i waited til i had a moment to really read this one!
i really like the advice from your teacher and feel a bit like you ~ it always {falsely?} feels interesting/right when it feels new and more like someone else's style!!
can relate to the tired feeling!
here's to your birthday and the future.
xxx

Laura said...

this is such a great post,annamaria. you have spoken my very thoughts. and helped me figure out a path. thank you:)