Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Day 44- Sunlight under the kitchen table

 
Day 44- Sunlight under the kitchen table
watercolor 7,5 x 11 inches
 
 
For the longest, I mean longest, time, I felt almost physically uncomfortable with my work.
I was clumsily jumping here and there, trying this and that, in an attempt to understand what I was doing and where I was going.
I studied as much as I could , I looked at other artist's work, I painted over numerous paintings, I sent many others to the dump. People who loved me worried about me. Why can't she ever get it together?
I felt very lonely and stubborn. I felt like I let people down. I should be out there making lots
of money for everyone, I should have been a dentist or a real estate agent or something that made
sense to the people around me. Instead I was slicing through failed canvases, throwing multiple papers in the recycling bin, making the best I could to keep my own fires going secretly , inside. This past week has been a small oasis in a dessert. Not that anyone else would know. But inside my mind things have fallen into place.  And I know that what I have just described is quite a typical artistic journey. But this is how I have lived it and you have come along the way with me, and I am so thankful. Thank you. I just wanted to share this one too with you. I have climbed one mountain and I am resting in the sunlight, with some cool breeze on my face, a brush in one hand , coffee in the other. I love what I do.
 
 
Hugs-
 
 

11 comments:

Kathleen Maunder said...

What an amazing post, Annamaria. Thank you for sharing your struggles (it helps to know that others have them) and that beautiful, jubilant high. What I love about your painting here is that the sunlight is even UNDER the table. Doesn't that say amazing things! A big hug to you.

annamaria said...

Thank you so much Kathleen.Yes, I thought it was totally fitting that the sunlight was 'under' the table. Haha, so glad you spotted that ;-))

Kristen Donegan said...

I'll echo Kathleen and thank you for putting so eloquently what many of us feel- I especially relate to should have been a dentist or something people would understand, and the visceral feeling of being uncomfortable with our own work- I have felt that, and still do- what is the drive to find something authentic with in, that makes us so crazy...I only know life is much worse when I ignore it-
crazy or not- sun under the table is what I am trying to unearth :)

Ariane Reichardt said...

Dear Annamaria,
what a great painting!
Your words... so true... authentic.

My English doesn't reach for that what I wanna tell you, but what I can say is... its a kind of vibration here... call it life... aspiration... maybe love.

Best,
Ariane.

Sally Tharpe Rowles said...

This is a very touching post. I found you through Kristen's blog. I share & understand your feelings about your art. You have articulated them beautifully ....just as you have also captured the lovely sunlight under the table.

renilde said...

and oh boy wasn't it worth to climb that mountain, sunlight everywhere now ;) fine words and i just love how you captured all this playing of light in this work,shimmering, singing light,

go our own way that's what we do because it's the way that fits us, not the easiest one but it makes sense somehow,
i like the channel bag too by the way because it's so pure, xx

Carole said...

I love what you do too and what you say. Thank you for you way with words and brushes. xo

Patrice A. said...

i was a silent folower
but now i want to say
hurray!
you describe it so well
the struggle
and the delight at the end
you are who you are
and i admire your work
so do enjoy
the work
and the sunlight and coffee
;^))

love
Patrice A.

K R I S T I I N A said...

I love this one. Fragile. Instant. Fresh.
//Kristiina

holly aka golly said...

bask in the light! You're work is wonderful and you should feel great about all you've accomplished!

Sue Hutchen-Lay said...

Thank you for this posting. I should have been a dentist too but I'm glad I'm not. I'm glad you're not either.