Monday, February 8, 2010

Thinking about restlessness

Time to make peace. With imperfections. Time to just be, with what is.
The children asked me a while ago to stop all the baking because they were gaining weight. There goes my dream of being the perfect cookie-making mom. Are you laughing now? I know you are I can hear it...Its ok, because I am laughing too.
I still make pancakes with applesauce on Sundays. That is the kind of mom I am.


I have to constantly adjust my expectations. Life has offered some interesting and rather stressful challenges in the past couple of years.
One of my remedies has been to explore the small things that make up my life and to find beauty and comfort in them. I haven't posted much lately because I was working yes, but also because I felt restless and dissatisfied with what is. Here, now. Which is anyway why I started this blog so I am back to square one and I have to start over and take the time to appreciate what is. Here. Now.



Light. The soft diffuse light of Vancouver. White things in this light. Even when the house messy there will be a corner that is as I wished it to be.


I did this self-portrait in oils about a year ago. I was very restless then too.
Which is where the paradox comes in. It is this restlessness with things as they are that moves me to better it all as much as I can. It pushes me to learn and explore and discover and I am so immensely more excited about my artmaking now.



So, I guess there must be a place where one is accepting of one's restlessness and the striving for more and better,while at the same time cherishing the present moment as a time of singular never returning beauty.
Yes, I think so.
I hug you.



9 comments:

ourlittlelovenest said...

OOOh you are make me smile with your insight and depth. Wish there were more girls in the world like you.xoxo

ourlittlelovenest said...

I forgot to mention that I am smitten with your self portrait and wish that I could be patient enough to work with oil paints.

Needle Woven Studio said...

I am touched by your thoughtful post - beautiful images, too - especially your self portrait ~!~

ELK said...

restlessness
comes and goes
...
there is
as you say so eloquently
"a corner that is how i wish it to be"
...
always
elk
...
stirring photos A.

caramela said...

Hi sweet friends-
annamaria xx

Kylie said...

I love your self portrait Annamaria!! Sorry I just had to get that out first ;) Isn't restlessness a motivational force? I have friends who motivate themselves by creating a crisis because that's the only way they can make themselves move forward... I know which one I prefer! :) Use what you have is perhaps a way to put it. Not that I am anyone's idea of an authority on the matter!! If only I could move myself forward... ;)
Beautiful post as always. Hugs :) K

Laura said...

i, too, love the self portrait. i also am uplifted and reassured by your words. you clarify and bring to light some of my deepest anxieties...once something is clear i can work with it and it becomes less ominous.

Julie Whitmore Pottery said...

Yes, I kept saying as i read this post of yours. yes, yes. I think as I walk into the studio I shed all those vexing problems for a few hours. I forbid them to come in with me. I have noticed that sometimes they are still waiting outside the door when i leave, but sometimes not. A very honest and skilled self portrait.
xx
julie

Jane O Sullivan said...

amen !
that is so how I feel , a lot of the time ...it is what drives you and makes you who you are ...it is the shadow and the light it is whole and it is beautiful in all its complexities ...yes yes yes x